I have to thank Mel Brooks for the title (History of the World, part 1); and if you have not seen the movie, take a look.  The above phrase is from his stand up for Emperor Nero, where he talks about the corruption of the roman Senate.  Now I know that my Madness has been quiet for a while, and I have been debating for a while whether or not to post, but I figured it is time once again. 

With this being an election year in the US, it is often humorous to see the political commercials on TV.  Best part, is they all start the same way:  campaigners tell the public they are going to work hard to be elected by the people and not slander the competition.  What we see is this being true for a whole week (if best) and then out comes the crap.  Are you serious?  And they wonder why voting in the US is down.  Where I’m at, I’ve seen just about everything that you can imagine, and I laugh more than everything else.  I mean, it’s bad when a 7 year old calls them dumb! 

And the best part, all they want to do is be elected once, and that’s it.  Why does one ask?   See if this Madness makes sense to you; Members elected to a political office receive a salary for the remainder of their lives, to include gratuities and benefits that normal citizens will never see.  These candidates are already successful in their various careers, meaning this is an additional bonus for them.  The irony of all of this is that you can serve in the Military for, say 4 years, and the only thing you get is the opportunity to work at a minimum wage job once you get out, possibly benefits if you served in a Combat Zone (and they call ME crazy). 

What I would love to see is an every day, average person run for office and make it (which does occasionally happen and I have the utmost respect for them).   

Visualize:  You change the channel and you see a man (or woman) casually dressed in a rural neighborhood.  The person is in their front yard, you see off to the side an early 2000 vehicle parked in the driveway, the exterior of the house is neatly kept, but nothing elaborate (Note:  I am in no way or capacity applying for a political position): 

Good Afternoon, My name is Bob and I am running for Office.  I have been gainfully employed for over twenty years, to include honorably serving in the Armed Forces.  I hold a college degree but I cannot use it at this time due to the job market but I am currently employed making a little more than minimum wage. 

If I am elected into office, I would strive to ensure the following: 

Ensure that everyone, regardless of income are contributing to taxes.  Taxes are only effective if all social classes are contributing equally (did you know that the reason we see issues in taxes by the upper class is that they are either exempt or have received permission not to pay?  This also includes major corporations).   I have paid and will continue to pay taxes, and it is only fair for all citizens, regardless of stature contribute to our nations economy. 

I understand that Health Care is important, and I believe that something must be done in order to accomplish this.  However, this must be something that is only addressed once our nation has regained economic stability, and not trying to impose restrictions costing more than it would cost to establish a policy. 

I would also ensure that our Men and Women that have honorably served in the Armed Forces be properly recognized and compensated for their services.  This would be accomplished by eliminating or reducing the lifetime salaries that we are currently seeing in office, giving this to our Servicemen and women.  If eliminating the salaries are not an option, then I would work for Servicemen and women to receive a monthly compensation for their honorable service regardless of time served, as they do in political offices. 

Madness I know, but if I ever saw this on the TV, I would make signs to put in my front yard.  And the Irony of all of this?  If everyone that were to read this (and do the tell two friends thing) did a “write in” on their ballots during the election, it would show on the polls; wouldn’t that be a sight to see?  Now I am in no way trying to cause or start an issue, just bringing to surface what is there.

Let’s see Bob in 2012!!


Who is this ‘Man in the Moon’?

We have made thousands of pictures, sent satellites and even people to take a look, but what do we really know about the moon? I know what science has told us, and the rocks that have returned, but nothing has really looked into the man, the myth, the legend of the man in the moon. Doesn’t he get credit for his part?

First of all, let’s give him a name. I mean, it would be calling you ‘Man’ or ‘Woman’ your whole life. He looks like a Bob, so that will be his name. And it’s kind of catchy too. Think about it; “Looks, it’s a full Bob tonight”, or “I heard we are sending some astronauts to Bob in a few years”. Now I’m not saying we call moonlets ‘Bobbets’, as that sounds quite disturbing. We just call our moon Bob and say it’s good.

Now that we have a name, it gives him a little more meaning. The next part is to give Bob an identity. Now, Bob is Bob, and nobody owns him. He is like his own island, and should be treated that way. What we need to do is have some people move to Bob, and help establish him as a fun place to live.

I would love to live on Bob (sounds a bit strange now). Being able to see the Earth rise and fall each day, and be a citizen of Bob just has a nice ring to it. And to think, helping out making Bob a place people would want to travel to. Bobville could be the first established town, and soon we’d have Bob-burbs, or outlining suburbs to live in. And we’d still visit the Earth, because it is a little bland on Bob, no matter how you dress him up.

So that is my plan, and when I’m king of the Earth, I’ll make sure to allow Bob to be a better place than it is now…or something like that




And yet another trip into the mind of Madness…What has really happened to us?  We are at a point now where the little things are the hardest.  What do I mean?  Well, take for instance my first post ‘Does Logic Make Sense Anymore’, I skimmed the surface of what we deal with day to day.  Now to unravel the onion just a little more…

 If you have never seen the Darwin awards, you need to take a peek.  This is the ‘cream of the crop’; people that are actually helping us by stepping out of the food chain.  We have been worried about the extinction of the panda, the whale, and other animals that are slowly being drawn to a close, but what about us?  Due to the evolving lack of common sense, we are slowly putting ourselves on the ‘Endangered Species’ list.  And to validate this point, check out the following:

 Courtesy of the Darwin Awards

“This angry man epitomizes the downfall of the human race. It began with simply missing an elevator, the proverbial straw on the camel’s back. With stresssed-out rage, Angry Wheelchair Man rammed his chair 3x against the lift doors, (bam! bam! bam!), angrily breaking through and falling down the rabbit hole of  the elevator shaft to his death. This dead 40-year-old lives on as a poster child: Stress kills. Gravity kills, too.”


This brain-child of an event was also caught on the security camera.  The Youtube clip has a skip in it, but looking at another source, nothing was edited.

 So enlighten me, what is the reason to ram an elevator door and crash through it?  Did I not get the memo stating that an elevator is actually 30 stories tall and you can land on the roof at any time?  If I did, I apologize for my ignorance.

 So I say to you, the curious viewer, let’s go back to the day of thinking before acting.  This thing called common sense is endangering us all, and if we don’t take the right step now, the movie ‘Idiocracy’ will be here sooner than you think.



A Zombie on your porch is worth 2 in the ditch

To stay in the spirit of 2012 let’s look at the lighter side of life; the upcoming zombie apocalypse.  Have you begun preparing your house for this?  Are the boards on the windows and extra food stocked in the cupboards?  It is happening, or at least that is what we keep reading about.


How this is going to happen is still a mystery, but it all seems to fall from the same dilemma; a virus is spread throughout the world, which when people are infected, causes a form of leprosy and makes them develop cannibalism.  Where this can be fun for some people, for others it might not turn out too fun.  Let’s look at the positive side of this affliction and see where it can lead us.


With the onset of the virus, the lack of food will no longer become an issue.  Where you had to go to the local grocery store for milk, eggs, and meat, you can just go across the street and snack on the neighbors’ dog (unless you’re beaten to it).  The other benefit would be weight loss, I mean, how much weight can you gain by only eating every few days and having to struggle to do menial tasks such as sitting up in bed (or in the yard) and breathing?

Another benefit is clothing.  Never again will you need to stay ‘hip’ in fashion, since the latest rage will be torn, blood soaked clothing.  This will save people thousands of dollars a year (maybe not good for retailers, but they will adapt).  And with this new ‘fad’, changes in the weather will no longer be an issue.  Who needs to buy a new coat when you can’t feel anything anyway?


Sure, there’s some downsides to all of this, such as survivalists that want to put a(nother) hole in your head just to keep you from eating them.  But that could be the new evolutionary step in life.  Think of it like running for Congress; it is a kill or be killed lifestyle.  And think if you do run for a political office, if you are denied on the floor, you can just eat them!

So if you look at it through the blood-stained glasses, it’s not really that bad.  We tend to always look at the bad side of the coin, where the ‘flip’ side could be just as fun.  Go ahead and pack your rubber shorts, your vita packs and load your ammunition because you never know if you will need it.

6 Influential Dudes

Here’s a guest post from Parteggplant


Carl Sagan: Astronomer/Astrophysicist/Cosmologist/Author, believer in science, space, and caring for the planet

Joe Rogan: Fear Factor Host/UFC Host/Comedian, thinks bigger picture and is open to the idea that humans might be evolved species of monkeys that ate magic mushrooms

Giorgio Tsoukalos: Big-haired alien lover featured on the History Channel, believes life exists beyond Earth

Dr. Ronald Mallett: Dedicated his life to making a time machine

John C. Lily: Invented the first sensory deprivation tank, tried to teach dolphins how to speak English, Took a lot of acid

Terence McKenna: Ate enough poisonous mushrooms to kill a small dog in search of higher consciousness

These guys have one thing in common: they’re all made of carbon.


The End of the World?!?!?!?

Let’s talk about something a little closer to home, well, in a way.  This year the world is supposed to end.  Now the actual date is still up in the air, so we’ll get as close as we can without going (too) overboard.


First and foremost, who comes up with these dates?  Have the immortal aliens decreed that this year is it (and if so, why don’t they run for office)?  I know there supposed to be some natural occurrences happening this year, and I’m looking forward for them, but to base the extinction of a planet off of them is a little….how do I say it…absurd?


Let us start with the basic one; the ending of the Myan Calendar.  I know this is a big one, since the Myans have influenced most of our way of life, and if their calendar runs out, we can’t just turn the page or run down to the nearby store and pick up another stone slab.  Then again, why can’t we?  Technically, you can reuse calendars; it just takes a while for the days to line back up, so why don’t we just do that?  This would alleviate a lot of heartache and confusion.  Problem one solved!


Next is the famous continental shift (also called the Earth Crust Displacement).  This is where the tectonic plates will have a sudden surge and the continents will slam into each other, reforming the face of the planet.  OK, I’m no geologist, but doesn’t that take, well, I don’t know, millions of years to occur?  I mean, am I ready to drive to Japan or Australia?  Sure, that would be fun, but is it really going to happen within the next 12 months, let’s get real here.  To quote a famous movie “And monkeys will fly out my butt”.  When this happens, then I will believe it, and as far as I know there are no winged primates in my shorts.  Problem two solved!


A little ‘closer’ to home is the Galactic Alignment.  This is when our Solar System aligns up with the Galactic center, causing a surge of radiation and gravitational disruption that will rip our planet to shreds.  Now I know that it gets cold in the winter time (warm for those ‘Down Under’), but this thing called the ‘Winter Solstice’ has been around longer than dirt (literally).  So when did this become a problem for us, and why is it now being brought up?  I’d be more inclined to believe that the world will end with the next ‘Twilight’ movie than this happening.  Problem three solved!


Solar storms will ravage the Earth, causing mass hysteria and the collapse of our current way of life by throwing us back in the Dark Ages.  This one is a little more believable, as I have a bit of ‘knowledge’ on this one.  But before you go and wrap your head in aluminum foil, think about this:  it has always been a concern, and we are hit with Solar storms all the time.  There is a solar ‘peak’ that happens every 12 years or so, and we are due for another one.  Why didn’t we cry about this back in…oh let’s say 2001, 1990, 1979?  Am I making sense, or do I need to reapply the straight jacket and go back in my round padded room?  Problem four solved!


And the best for last; Planet Nibiru is going crash into the Earth or cause a gravitational shift that will rip the planet apart.  I like this one, I mean, what telescopes are these rocket scientists using that places like NASA, ESA, or even Geraldo?  I think that if a planet or any other type of solar anomaly that is in a direct (or near) route to the planet would have been brought up shortly after entering the Solar system (take Haley’s Comet back in 1985, this was a huge topic years prior and nothing happened).  Now I know that there are people that have radio antennas fixed to their frontal lobes that allows them to still watch original episodes of ‘Emergency’ and Hawaii Five-O’, but you have to do better than this.  That would be like me saying that the world is going to end because I found out that the ‘A-Team’ wasn’t real (just an idea, I talk with Murdock on a daily basis).  Problem five solved!


I think I covered the major ones, and I know there’s a few still out there.  So if you are really worried about the end of days, stock up on your ‘Soylent Green’, get your Zombie emergency kit ready, and lace up your radiation-proof underwear.  It’s going to be a fun ride, and I have an excellent seat next to the water cooler.

Lights from the Sky: Alien or not?

Today, let’s take a look at our neighbors from across the way.  I’m not talking about Canadians, but those cheery, loveable, brain sucking visitors from another planet.  I know that for years, there has been a huge controversy into whether they exist or not.  But with the amount of sightings that occur not only annually, but weekly in some places, it is hard to say it doesn’t.  Now, unless these communities are on some extremely good ‘medication’ and they are not sharing with the world, so there must be some logic to all of this.


Let’s start with the easiest one to talk about, the sightings, or as they call it ‘The First Encounter’.  We have all seen the shows, and the pictures, and the drawings, of what people has seen in the sky.  Now, as a realist; we have many aircraft flying around all of the time, and several of these sightings have been associated to them.  But the questions is; what about that small majority that cannot be positively identified as an aircraft?  Are the chances that there is something we don’t know about a fact?


Now a little more difficult, but still on the level is the physical evidence, or ‘The Second Encounter’.  Crop circles, burnt areas in the grass/trees, strange radiation levels.   Again, we have seen the pictures, and some of you might have even seen them up close.  There has been people that have admitted to making these, and for others, it just isn’t possible (or is it?).  If they want to communicate with us, show us where you’re from in reference to our own home.  And remember:  Master Card and Visa are accepted worldwide.


And finally the ‘Third Encounter’, people that has either seen or has been abducted by aliens.  This one, even for me (and my vivid imagination) have a hard time with.  Is it possible, of course, but with all of the people that have, under hypnosis been awakened to this phenomenon is hard to digest.  Why is it so secretive, excluding the anal probes of course?


Overall, I believe there is something else out there besides us.  With the discovery of planets in other systems, and the possibility of future technologies, it only makes sense.  Now, for the conspiracy people:  what if it is all true?  Are we ready to welcome these visitors into our lives, inviting them over for coffee and dinner?  I’d like to think I am, and why not?